Nicholas Sparks is ruining cinema and literature

Jen B:











Unless you're a man or have lived in a hole for the past few years, you probably already know who Nicholas Sparks is. Some say, he's an amazing author who has penned fifteen novels with six of them being adapted to films. Others say, he's simultaneously destroying literature and cinema with his trite story lines and unimaginative themes. Me? I think he's the fucking Antichrist who should be raped with his own hardcover novels.


Just look at that asshole. With his subtle ginger complexion and out of focus flowers behind him. I hate him so fucking much! But women fucking eat the shit he spews out and can't wait until the next steaming pile comes out. Someone tried to convince me they were awesome books because he portrays romantic love or some gay ass shit.

Not buying it. He plays right into the hormonal emotions of the women who read this shit.

The formula for both his books and movies is simple.


Start with two attractive white people

Then add an obstacle that makes a love between them seem impossible (e.g. 9/11, her parents, socioeconomic status)

Fall in love anyways

Then throw some out-of-left field exploitative twist that only serves to emotionally manipulate and turn a forgettable romance into a full-on tragedy that the Bronte sisters would of gotten all wet over. (e.g. Alzheimer's, cancer, mudslide death, cancer)

And that's what keeps bitches coming back. I had no clue but I guess love stories interspersed with chemotherapy and passion makes for excellent reading material and chick flicks.

Then he goes and bashes Cormac McCarthy's Blood Meridian calling it "pulpy" and "overwrought", while comparing his books to those of Sophocles, Shakespeare, and Hemingway.
Sophocles?! You smug Christian ginger fuck....

Read for yourself. http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2010-03-11-lastsong11_CV_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

I fucking hate him...

Terzi:






You know...  you can hate him.  That's cool.  But I've got to say that you're missing out on an amazing opportunity: easy, mindless poon.

I'm all for anything that makes it easier to get balls deep up in some ho, and if it means sitting through 2.5 hours of trite crap, and rubbing sand into my eyes to crack a tear at the end, then so be it.  A little eye damage, and a little soul-selling never hurt anyone.

Think about it: this guy could be the Viagra of the new millennium.  Except without all of the 75 yr old men cheating on their wives because they have an erection that hasn't gone away in over four hours (please see your doctor if this problem persists).  He's the Viagra for boring girls/women - girls and women who wouldn't know an orgasm if it splashed them across the face.  They figure if they're going to cry during sex that it might as well be a "good cry", so why not lube it all up with a ginger kid's masturbation?

Shakespeare?  Maybe not.  Pfizer?  Maybe.

The South Y'all

((Click the pic for a better look))

Terzi:  Seriously.  I mean, that pretty much sums it up.  Thoughts, ladies?  Not that it matters if you disagree.  Because then you'd be wrong.

Jen B:  

It's a magical place of Mullets, meth, Nascar and hurt feelings about the Civil War. An old timey place where it's okay to be racist, sexist, and have a second grade education. Where men adorn their trucks with confederate flags and trucknuts.

Having family that lives in Louisiana, Alabama, and Georgia, I have seen my share of strange things. Hookers fighting over a baby stroller, one armed man wrassling a gator while smoking, Billy the Exterminator. Being as I was 10 going on 11 while we lived down there the only vivid memory I have is this;

-Light up Atlanta. During the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, the town had the genius idea to light up all the buildings downtown at dusk one by one. Read that again. During the Olympics they lit up buildings one by one. Not fireworks, or burning crosses. Light up....Atlanta. Crowds gathered in anticipation of dusk and then as the sun sank below the horizon, the sweaty masses were treated to the warm fluorescent glow of the Georgia Pacific tower. Husbands and wives held each other as each floor of each building lit up. I remember asking my uncle what the big deal was and was met with the response, "Shut yo lips, they spent a lot of money to do this fer us." Next time you get an Olympics, spring for some fucking bottle rockets.

I've also seen some pretty cool shit as well.

I've been to a restaurant in Florida called the Risque Cafe where all the waitresses are nude (save for socks and shoes) and have no problem giving a lap dance while you eat your flapjacks.

I watched a man with no arms wrestle an alligator while smoking a Lucky Strike. I couldn't understand a word he said but I'm sure it was something profound.

Also, you think the Wal-Mart in your town has some freaky looking people shopping in it? Try going to a Wal-Mart in DoogalCounty Georgia.

The south can be summed up as such. It's that uncle who's kinda slow and racist as shit, but occasionally he'll take you to a titty bar, show you some fucked up shit, but you'll ultimately wind up addicted to meth and selling moonshine for him.

righteousjennifer:  The south may have racists and toothless men in pick-ups but we have that here in Baltimore as well. The only difference is, not everyone here owns a cow and we don't have FLAPJACK LAPDANCES. I think that is way too nice. Way too nice.

The north and south are just two different types of evil. Terzi, I don't know where you're going to have intelligent, gramatically sound conversations but it SHURE AIN'T IN BMORE. I recently had a gentleman approach me on the street and ask, "Canna buy you a box ob chikken incoherent, something about beautiful mama incoherent."


Another day I was waiting in line at Dunkin' Donuts when a woman behind me asked, "Hey, do you know what is in an iced coffee?" I don't fucking know, ICE and COFFEE?


Progress? Why the fuck can't I get married?


Baltimore is one of the most amusing places to live and I will never relocate. However, it's no better than the south. You just have to look closer to see the problems. It's not as obvious as some inbred hillbilly burning crosses and deep frying squirrels.

Yoohoo

Jen:  Testies, testies 123

teehee

Terzi:  You're lame.  And Wrong.  Screw You.